Floor time
He knows his momma and longs to be in my arms. He is the polar opposite of his sister who wanted nothing to do with being held or snuggled. He's perfectly content riding on my hip or snuggling up in my arms all the live long day (and night). I work hard to make sure he's getting time away from me as well but it's not as easy as it sounds...he's just so sqeezeable! He stares at his daddy with such love too! He lights up when Neil gets home from work and just looks at him with a HUGE smile until he's acknowledged, then he BURSTS into giggles! He adores his sister and is constantly watching her and trying to keep up as she flutters from toy to toy and all around the house. He is always aware of her and the look in his eyes when she plays with him melts me. His eyes are just screaming "YOU ARE AMAZING BIG SISTER, PLAY WITH ME!" I just stare in wonder and amazement most of the time at the deep loving bond these two tiny people already have. God certainly knows what he's doing and this deep untouchable love of family is such a display of the almighty to me. I just think about it and find myself overwhelmed. I feel like seeing my children play or spending joyful times together as a family are little slices of heaven. It just doesn't get better than those moments.There are challenging moments as well...shocking I know! Who would have guessed that having 2 children under the age of 3, just 20 months apart would come with challenges?! There are days when the 2 year old is truly 2 in every way...and a girl to boot so some mornings I really have my work cut out for me. Some mornings no clothing seems to be right, hair brushing is torcherous, and teeth
brushing is like wrestling an angry alligator; but we make it through. Sometimes little Cooper decides that being out of mommy's arms is just the worst thing in the entire world, and heaven forbid he can't see mom for a few minutes. Those are the times I try to remember that the peaceful moments are coming and these moments are fleeting. There will be a time when I will miss the chaos of these little beasts I call children on rough mornings. I will long for my son needing me at his side. I will ache for my daughter to be so oblivious to her appearance and so unaffected by the pressures of this world. I will hold tight to the madness while it's mine...with lots of prayers to carry us through!Prayers have taken us so far and I have never felt closer to God than I do now...and I pray (again) that I continue to grow closer every day. Now that the darkness of Cooper's bumpy road is behind us (not that there aren't plenty of bumps ahead, because I'm sure there are) I can say I'm thankful for it. It was the worst thing I've gone through thus far in life, and it in NO WAY was easy but I'm still thankful. The darkness brought light and my weakness brought God's strength and then strength of so many that held us up. The aches of this mom's heart were similar to the pains of child birth...the hurt was so deep and so painful that at times it felt as if it couldn't be right...something MUST be wrong, I shouldn't do going through this...but long behold the result of that pain (just like in labor) was new life! Not only the new life of Cooper but new life in my soul. God renewed me and restored me. He carried me into a new life as a new woman and I'm ever grateful. I hate to admit it but I struggle so deeply with letting go of control (not a shock to anyone that knows me) and this experience forced me to do just that. I let go and I learned that my faith is stronger than I ever thought. And that faith has become even stronger because through this I have learned that my faith is well placed. God will always provide! Not always the way we want...the answer isn't always yes...but the good news in that is that HIS plan is even better than ours. I can tell you that if God would have said "Tracie you're going to have a son that isn't moving, isn't breathing, isn't responding, and is bleeding interally. Then you'll sit by his side while he rests in seclusion and fights of his life." I would have said, "NOPE! I'll take a healthy baby please. No problems, no challenges, I can't handle that. Thank you!" I hated the road He had me walk (with Him by my side, and carrying me at times) but I look back on it with an overflowing, thankful heart. I'm so happy I didn't get to decide. I'm so happy I am the person He changed me into through that valley. And none of that would have happened if I got my way. So, THANK YOU GOD FOR KNOWING BETTER THAN ME!
Our boy being loved on by Aunt Jamie
Squeezes and drooly kisses for Aunt AmieOf course I still don't know what the future holds for myself or my family. I don't know if Cooper will have long term issues due to all of this, but I do know that whatever is brought out way God will carry us through. As of now Cooper is doing amazing. His development is looking perfect and his growth is moving along nicely. For now there are no worries and I'm going to revel in that. So at the moment I'm living in the bliss of health and happiness and will use this blog as a little journal to my kids about who they are and what they're like each month. If any other news/challenges come our way that I think would be important to share I'll make sure to post them. For now goodbye to medical updates and hello to joyous silly God filled posts! Blessings and love to you all for following!
