Big sister

There is no good time to have a NICU baby, but I will say it certainly would have been much more convenient to have one the first time around and not the second. How does a mommy choose between the two pieces of her heart? I ache when I'm at home and I ache when I'm at the hospital. It's so painful, but again, it's our new normal.

Thank God for the family that has surrounded us with supportive, love, comfort, and BABYSITTING through this time. I honestly don't know what we'd do without them! Despite mommy only being around about 2 hours a day (that she's awake at least) our Ellie girl has been smiling, playing, and as feisty as ever. Her resilient spirit makes this much easier than I thought possible. Don't get my wrong my stomach churns with guilt and sadness every time I have to leave her, but knowing that she's happy and joyfully unaware of the circumstances provides relief in the pain.

She doesn't understand and she won't remember but she is aware of a change. She talks about "baby Coop" often and knows he's no longer in mommy's tummy. Just a few days ago my incision was hurting a bit so I lifted my shirt to give it air and she happily pointed and began to say the typical "BABY COOP" when she saw my tummy and mid-word paused and starred in confusion. The wheels were turning and she was working everything out in her mind. Then she said, "Baby Coop out." She amazes us everyday! She is grasping something so complicated in her very simple way and I love it! She says things like, "I see baby Coop;"  "Baby Coop's tiny;" and my favorite, "I love baby Coop!" That sweet girl is a wonderful big sister already and has yet to meet her little brother. I couldn't be prouder!