My emotions overflowed, just as I knew they would. I held onto my boy that almost wasn't and began my prayers of thanksgiving that my boy IS! He IS here. He IS breathing! He IS mine to keep for now...to take HOME! The thankfulness flooded my heart and shook my body with tears of joy. My mind began to wander down the road we just traveled and the tears flowed more freely. God carried us through so much and blessed us with miracle after miracle, answered prayer after answered prayer and here we are still standing by his grace. I allowed my mind to carry me through each incident, each trial, and each painful memory that these past weeks has brought to our reality. I allowed my soul to linger on the thankfulness for each one. Each obstacle representing yet another opportunity to praise the Lord. I was living my prayer of Thanksgiving to God. I had no words only lingering memories and tears. I allowed the Holy Spirit to speak the words I couldn't utter. Thank you dear Lord for all that you've done!
Not only am I thankful for Cooper's health but I'm also thankful for the impact his story has had on those around us. I know our boy is special and he was created for a unique and beautiful purpose and that purpose is already shining. All the support, kind words, food, hugs, prayers, gifts, care, and kindness we have received through this journey brings me to my knees. We are so humbled by the outpouring of love that we can't say thank you enough. We could feel the support and prayers surrounding us and carrying us through the dark times and we can see the light and joy now in the praising and healing times. We are beyond blessed to see Cooper's story affecting and touching so many and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for sharing it with others and sharing in it with us.
I have oh so many thank yous to send and give that Cooper may be 5 before I get around to them all, but here are a few specific ones that are lingering on my heart right now.
Thank you to Dr. Johnson for being on-call and telling me to go straight to the hospital when I wasn't feeling my baby moving. He explained that typically he would advise a mother-to-be to relax, lay on her side and wait, but he heard something in my voice that made him do otherwise. I thank you for that doctor, and know that God worked through your direction.
Thank you to the triage nurses for your no-non-sense care and information. It would have been easy to sugar coat the situation but you offered advice and direct information to prepare us for what lay ahead.
To the ultrasound techs that handed me tissues when the tears began to flow at the sight of my limp and sick baby. Thank you for your kindness and promise of prayers for our situation.
Thank you to my dear mother. Your devotion, support, and love carried you out the door and down 5 hours of highway to our family's side at 1am without question. I can't thank you enough for that. You have never failed to be by my side and I know you never will. You are the rock I can always count on and your fierce love for me always comes through. I love you oh so much and always ALWAYS will!
To the many nameless faces I met on the way to and in surgery; your patient and loving words of encouragement, and soothing hugs brought as much comfort as possible as I shook with fear and confusion over what was happening.
To Dr. Gabel, thank you for getting my boy out in time. Thank you for knowing something was wrong and making the correct call to save his life. Thank you for comforting me through the stress and intensity of an emergency c-section. Thank you for allowing me to be afraid and being patient with that fear.
To the recovery nurses that first delivered the news that I was a mommy of a little boy, THANK YOU! Thank you for taking the time to talk to me about my new son. Thank you for easing my pain and filling me in on what little you could.
Thank you to Dr. Murphy, Cooper's first Neonatologist. and the entire neonatal team at Mercy. Thank you for stabilizing my son and jumping into action upon his birth. Thank you for caring for him as his symptoms changed, worsened, then improved. Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom.
To the nurses in the NICU, thank you just doesn't cut it. You have cared for my boy when I couldn't. You have taken me and my family under your wings and supported us through this challenge. I am humbled by all that you do and am in awe of your ability to do these things day in and day out for countless families.
I have a few nurses I'd like to thank specifically...Stephanie, you will always be my no-non-sense stabilizer. Your unshakable demeanor always gave me something to cling to, thank you for that. Kim, you were by my boy's side in the toughest of times and I can't thank you enough for fiercely fighting on his behalf. You bring such an air of protection and love with you as you work and I'm grateful for that. Melissa, where to begin...you have become a part of our family through these past few weeks and when I see your face I feel relief. You know our boy and he knows you. His eyes open when he hears you and I can tell he takes just as much comfort in your presence as I do. Thank you for being with him in his first minutes and for providing the most loving care I could imagine throughout his time in the NICU. You are so very special and your spirit shines light into the darkest of places. We love you and hope to see you outside of these hospital walls.
I have deeply appreciated every one of my friends through this journey. Your support has meant the world to me in ways I can't put into words. Thank you for every kind word, laugh, tear, and prayer. You are all a blessing in so many ways and this situation has just made me realize that I have the best friends in the whole world!
To our neighbor and friend Melissa for asking a simple, God-led question which has led to an eye-opening journey. It feels as if we're viewing medicine and health with new eyes and we're so grateful for that vision.
Thank you to Dr. Scott who has went above and beyond to educated, support, and bring healing and health to our family. Your kind heart and outright generosity is noticed and deeply appreciated. It's pretty astounding to see the strides both Cooper and Ellie have made since you turned their power on through your healing hands. The fact that Cooper was needing assistance to have bowel movements just a day before you got your hands on him and is now no longer needing assistance in, well...just about anything, speaks for itself. Our boy is healing the way God created him to, and your touch is allowing that!
To my dad, thank you for picking me up (literally) and giving me the strength to walk the path before me. Your gruff exterior has never been much of a front to me for I always saw the soft gentle love behind your eyes, but this situation brought that love to the forefront and I've never been prouder to be your daughter. You were there when I needed you and for that I will forever be grateful. You are so loved by me and our family. Thank you dad for holding me when I cried and telling me I could do this. Also for working so hard to keep up with our Ellie girl...she's a handful.
To Dan and Roxanne, thank you for loving and caring for our Ellie as well. She is so blessed to have grandparents that adore her and take on the challenge of keeping up with her! Your ability to be here on weekends and offer food, help, love, and support will forever be remembered and we are tremendously grateful. Cooper and Ellie are blessed to have such a loving grandpa, and gran. Love you guys.
Thank you to our entire church family. I have to say that I've never been more proud of my church home. You are truly the body of Christ and we could feel your hands lifting us up out of this darkness. Not one day passed without a visit from someone to pray with us or offer an ear to this overwhelmed mother. Every visit brought peace and joy, thank you.
Thank you to my siblings and their families. The long distances you traveled just to sit in a hospital, cook, clean, and babysit, are so greatly appreciated. You came simply to offer your shoulders to lean on and I can tell you those arms were just the crutch I needed to get through this. I think it's no coincidence that Cooper began his upswing after your visit. I am so proud to be your sister. I love you all more than I can explain. Thank you for being there when I needed you most!
To my sweet Ellie girl. Thank you for sacrificing time with mommy and daddy so your brother could feel our love. Thank you for adapting so well to the new schedule (if you can call it that) and accepting your new role as big sister to a sick baby. You have been such a bright shining spot through this darkness! God created you for something so very special and I can just see your purpose behind your eyes. You are one amazing little girl that will set this world on fire. I'm so proud to be your mommy and am honored to have your love.
Finally, to my dear husband...the one person that can understand my pain through this trial. You are my rock, my love, my friend, and my partner, I wouldn't have made it a single day without you. When we got married I was so deeply in love with you and I had no idea how much that love could grow. Today as I look back at the challenges we have faced I've never felt more strongly for you. It looks like we certainly picked the perfect song for our first dance 3 years ago at our wedding.
I adore you in every way and am so blessed to call you husband. I always knew you were kind, loving, generous, and selfless but going through Cooper's birth and struggles has given me new eyes to see you with and you astound me! You have picked me up. You have taken the steps when I couldn't, and you have carried this family through the flames. The night I arrived at the hospital God told me I was about to walk through a dark valley and I agreed to it knowing you'd be right by my side. You bring me peace and comfort in the middle of so much pain, for that I'm forever grateful. God has refined us through the flames and we are bright, shiny, and new! I am so happy to be yours for all the years to come!
***I wrote all the above yesterday morning and my hopes were so high I could almost feel my body lift off the ground, then came a rush of disappointment when Cooper struggled through a few feedings. After fighting for my boy to stay awake and keep sucking at his bottle his nurse informed me that she didn't think today should be the day any longer. She explained that if he was struggling to eat now it may get worse at home and then we worry about him dehydrating and us having to return to the hospital. I agreed with her that if he's not ready he's simply not ready but I couldn't stop the tears. I am well aware that he'll be coming home one day soon but for some reason the thought of it not being today after I had allowed that thought to sink into my heart just broke me. I spent the next hour or so holding my mini Cooper and crying until it was time for us to leave and join our dear and beloved friends for Thanksgiving.
The Mitchells opened their home, hearts, and family to us this year for the holiday and we are beyond grateful! They are the most kind, loving, and generous people I know and we are blessed beyond measure by them over and over again. How loved you are my friends! Thank you yet again for welcoming us into your arms and sharing a special time, we had so much fun! It was wonderful to have a break to smile, laugh, eat, drink, and be merry!
So today...today may be the day and it may not. Time will tell and I promise you a big picture of Cooper in his car seat will grace this page soon enough. Love and blessings to you all, we'll keep you posted!
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