valleys and mountaintops

Lately our path has brighten and our load has lightened. Our mornings aren't filled with fear and questions while awaiting the daily orders from the doctor. Instead our mornings now are filled with excitement. How much does our mini Cooper weigh today? Is he awake and active? Will he nurse well? So much has changed in such a short amount of time...well short relative to what I was expecting.

Tomorrow will be our miracle boy's one month birthday. One month of breathing the outside air and moving freely outside of my womb. Can this really be possible? Has a full month already come and gone? Neil and I had a talk about it last night and we both agreed...it was the longest yet fasted month we've ever experienced. Words can't describe the depth of emotion that floods us when we think back on the trials we faced and have been so blessed to say we conquered. With this one month milestone lingering over us I can't help but look back. I have been replaying events in my head and re-reading my words those very first days of our boy's journey. I can't seem to get through any of it with a dry eye. So much has built up inside of me and I have already foreseen it all flooding over when we hear the sweet words, "You're discharged. Take your baby home!" I guess I just haven't had the time to reflect and allow myself to process everything that has happened. I know I went through it and even worked through much of the emotions but unpacking it all and allowing it to sink in is a different story. I look forward to that. I look forward to this all being a distant memory. A harsh yet joyful memory because our boy made it. We survived!

I was telling a friend this morning that as much as I've hated this dark valley that God led our family through I'm also thankful for it. That may not make sense to most but I can't help but feel that way. I know God held our hands as we walked in the darkest places and carried me when I was too scared to take another step, and we made it. God has taught me so much through this walk and for that I'll be forever changed and forever grateful. Yes the valley is full of pain, tears, and outright misery but walking out of it and up onto the mountain is full of a joy that can't be expressed in words. I'll allow the pictures to speak to your own heart and I think you'll grasp what I mean.

                                                                         VALLEY

 MOUNTAIN

Our Coopie weighed in at 4lbs 10oz last night and has been cleared to eat as many bottles and nurse as often as tolerated. He's still quite young (35 weeks gestation) so he will likely not be able to handle a full day of bottle feeding/nursing but we're going to keep working at it at his pace. Cooper runs the show here and it's up to him how this goes and how long it takes. Once he's eating all his feedings from breast/bottle for at least 48 hours and having no spells (along with keeping up everything else he's being doing) we'll be released to go home! It could still be weeks so I'm trying not to get too worked up but it feels so within reach now. We're getting there.

On the agenda for the week we have an eye exam tomorrow, a follow up echo for his pulmonary valve stenosis (the nurses don't even hear the murmur anymore so that's a great sign), and a follow up head ultrasound. Busy week but all precautionary.